white water

someone once told me our emotions are like a river. they could be a babbling brook or one that runs smooth yet deep; a small trickle of a stream or a rumble of white water.

they said you can choose to be the river banks that hold and guide your emotions as they flow through, but sometimes the banks can break into an uncontrollable flood.

i feel things greatly. there was a time not too long ago where the banks of my ever-rising river collapsed and what spilt out destroyed everything in me. it was equal parts release and destruction. the edges i tried to mend kept crumbling down too quickly for me to maintain them. little did i know at the time, in the midst of drowning, that this would give me an opportunity to cleanse my surrounding and provide a fresh start.

eighteen months on and more aware. when the banks start to crumble or the river gets too high, i have to stop. in order to be able to withstand the rising and falling, i must be one baby step ahead. better to have a tributary that a tsunami.

even if you hold an emotional river as long and wide as the mississippi, you can still choose to be the edges that reduce or halt the world around you being completely damaged by a tidal wave of strong intensities.

my mighty river is something that holds memories rather than haunts, energy rather than pain, and new fertile soil instead of lifeless loam.